Category Archives: Uncategorized

Letter to Trader Joe’s

Dear Trader Joe’s, While shopping at your New York Union Square location today I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, a lavender pouch. I quickly grabbed it off the shelf to further examine the pretty packaging. Powerberries. I … Continue reading

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Things You Should Never Find in Your Fridge

1. live animals 2. milk expired for over 2 years 3. your sense of humor 4. your extra set of keys 5. your sanity 6. miscellaneous body parts (ex. those belonging to ex-boyfriends) 7. cash (unless you take cold, hard … Continue reading

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How to Survive a Cold

1. complain as much as possible so that people are nice to you and get you whatever you want/need 2. drink lots of orange juice 3. call everyone you know to tell them about your cold so they all feel … Continue reading

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How to Get What You Want

1. determine what it is that you want 2. go get it 3. do not procrastinate, dilly dally, fuck around, meander your way over… (you get the idea) 4. do not second guess your ability to get whatever/whomever it is … Continue reading

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How to Pack Like a Pro

1. pack every piece of technology you own 2. forget to pack any and all chargers 3. because you failed to plan for the trip, pack everything (literally everything) you own, just in case; use maybe 1/8 of what you … Continue reading

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The Aftermath of St. Patrick’s Day

while drunk texts are embarrassing, drunk cover letters can do more damage. here is an example: Dear HR, I would be the perfect fit for you’re store because you hire pretty brunettes and I’m a pretty brunette so I’d blend … Continue reading

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Before You Even Think About Taking Me Home…

please answer the following yes/no questions: 1. do you have any hobbies/passions (aside from yourself)? 2. do you have a huge… vocabulary? 3. are you excited at the prospect of new things? (and I don’t just mean in bed, though … Continue reading

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