Letter to Trader Joe’s

Dear Trader Joe’s,

While shopping at your New York Union Square location today I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, a lavender pouch. I quickly grabbed it off the shelf to further examine the pretty packaging. Powerberries. I had no idea what a powerberry was, but I decided, despite my usual frugalness, to purchase them, to “give them a whirl,” as one might say.

After purchasing the Powerberries (still intrigued by the name, but more on this later), I dragged my very heavy bags of groceries to the subway. While waiting for the train, the thought occurred to me to perhaps sample one of these mysterious berries. I dug the lovely lavender satchel from the bottom of my grocery bag and happily tore open the tab. BUT ALAS! The bag of Powerberries did not open! I struggled fervently with the bag but it would not budge! I pulled with my hands. I pulled with my teeth. I asked a fellow commuter to “give it a whirl,” but she could not get the darn thing open either. I was anguished.

Anguished! Never have I so desperately wanted a berry – power or otherwise!

After a 35-minute crisis with the Powerberries tempting me with their promise of a “sweet, tart and rich taste sensation all at once!” I returned home. Beleaguered after the long powerberry battle, I slumped into a chair in the kitchen. After regaining strength (and putting away the groceries which demanded refrigeration, rather than the sweat and blood drained by the Powerberries) I found my scissors. In a last ditched effort I stabbed open the lavender bag, wounding its stubborn side. At last, the Powerberries were mine!

While the Powerberries did rejuvenate my spirit, I still carry with me the battle scars from my earlier struggle. While Powerberries did give me the power I needed to begin the tough road to recovery after the dramatic bag opening getting to their delicious source of power (I told you I’d cover the name later), it was a draining effort. I beg you to please make your lovely lavender packages of Powerberries easier to open, easier to enjoy, easier to fall in love with.

That is all. I really just wanted to get that off my chest, to share my emotional perils with someone who her/himself could understand the allure of the tantalizing Powerberries.

Much love,

AH

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