Monthly Archives: March 2011

How to Survive a Cold

1. complain as much as possible so that people are nice to you and get you whatever you want/need 2. drink lots of orange juice 3. call everyone you know to tell them about your cold so they all feel … Continue reading

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How to Get What You Want

1. determine what it is that you want 2. go get it 3. do not procrastinate, dilly dally, fuck around, meander your way over… (you get the idea) 4. do not second guess your ability to get whatever/whomever it is … Continue reading

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How to Pack Like a Pro

1. pack every piece of technology you own 2. forget to pack any and all chargers 3. because you failed to plan for the trip, pack everything (literally everything) you own, just in case; use maybe 1/8 of what you … Continue reading

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The Aftermath of St. Patrick’s Day

while drunk texts are embarrassing, drunk cover letters can do more damage. here is an example: Dear HR, I would be the perfect fit for you’re store because you hire pretty brunettes and I’m a pretty brunette so I’d blend … Continue reading

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Before You Even Think About Taking Me Home…

please answer the following yes/no questions: 1. do you have any hobbies/passions (aside from yourself)? 2. do you have a huge… vocabulary? 3. are you excited at the prospect of new things? (and I don’t just mean in bed, though … Continue reading

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Whom to Blame for Your Neuroses

1. your parents, the obvious choice 2. the significant other who bought you a gym membership for your birthday 3. your arch-nemesis (just because) 4. catholic schooling 5. your seventh grade math teacher who used to give you weird looks … Continue reading

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How to Overstay Your Welcome

1. store a machete in the bedroom closet 2. set the kitchen on fire 3. reorganize everything in a system that only makes sense to you 4. eat everything in the fridge with no intention of replacing it 5. change … Continue reading

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