A Hipster Prepares (for the Apocalypse)

1. determine when the apocalypse will happen. if you made 2/15 more interesting, you’d have already accomplished this.

2. print a bunch of flyers announcing the upcoming judgement day. you’ll feel much better about yourself if you feel like you’ve helped your fellow man.

3. give up on your fellow man after the 100th crazy person yells at you that you’re crazy. fuck him. you know that you’re right and he is in fact the crazy one.

4. take a “sick day” to brood at home about your next plan of action.

5. decide that you don’t care about random strangers and resolve to only warn your friends so you can have one last laugh at everyone else right before the world ends.

6. invite everyone you know out for drinks on a tuesday. explain to them that because of impending end of the world, there’s no need to worry about days of the week anymore.

7. convince your friends of the apocalypse, or at least trick them into believing you after buying them many, many, many shots.

8. take another “sick day” to make a list of all the risks you still haven’t taken yet in your short (and quickly ending) time on earth.

9. take the rest of your sick and vacation days to knock everything off the list. you may want to consider the following:
a. heroin
b. an orgy
c. jumping out of planes, off bridges, from high buildings, out of hot air balloons, etc…
d. binge drink (though you’ve probably done this already)
e. hitch hike to the grand canyon
f. empty all your accounts (even your retirement ones) to travel the world – though you only have time for a day per place you’ve always wanted to see. who cares? you’re preparing for the apocalypse!
g. try meth. you don’t need to sleep – you’ll be dead soon anyway!

10. wake up late for work on judgement day (if you survive step 9, that is), since there’s no need to set an alarm for the apocalypse. think “fuck. i’ve used all my sick days and it’s only may.”

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3 Responses to A Hipster Prepares (for the Apocalypse)

  1. one says:

    updates, please?

  2. Undergroundster says:

    “3. give up on your fellow man after the 100th crazy person yells at you that you’re crazy. fuck him. you know that you’re right and he is in fact the crazy one.”

    Fuck him, as in….fuck him fuck him?

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