Job Posting

looking for a java software developer with both design experience and a
sense of humor.

prefer at least 2 years experience and those over 5’8.

must be able to carry conversation, select great wines, appreciate my
friends and laugh at all of my jokes (note: all)

must have both technical and social/personal skills

must own, not rent, apartment(s) and/or house(s). said apartment(s) and/or house(s) should be (and i quote) “awesome.”

yacht and jet required. cars negotiable. those also owning vespa(s) will be strongly considered.

must have normal, non-neurotic family.

must have friends who i like and who like me.

masters degree preferred, though not required.

must love buying presents (especially ones for me).

must respond quickly to texts, phone calls, emails, fb messages and all other forms of communication.

those not willing to fall madly in love with me need not apply.

job offering:
-40 hours/week designing software
-168 hours/week thinking about me
-vacation: often
-salary: yours

please submit cover letter, resume, 5 recent photos, professional and personal references and a brief explanation of what happened to your last relationship.
poetry, compliments and all other romantic gestures are not required, but will certainly make for a stronger application.

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