Ways to Improve Your Tuesday

1. go to a starbucks and demand “where is my fucking latte!” if you make a big enough scene, no one will realize you never ordered a latte to begin with

2. wear a funny hat. i highly suggest one of the feathered variety.

3. angrily ask someone on the subway/ferry/amtrak/out the car window, “sir, is this your first day commuting?” just to start an argument.

4. sing the national anthem to yourself in an elevator.

5. say, “whoa, lookin’ good! you’ve lost weight!” to a complete stranger.

6. ponder the meaning of life on a park bench. realize it’s too late: you’re already alive. find the nearest bar and demand, “where’s my fucking whiskey sour!”

7. buy a car, then donate it to the autistic hipster. save the receipt in an attempt to write it off your taxes.

8. bring your own appetizer to a restaurant just to see what they say.

9. make an outrageous claim about the apocalypse. for example, “may 18, 2011 is judgement day!”

10. hitchhike home from work and tell the person who picks you up that s/he’s now also morally obligated to take you to work the next day, as your car is still at the office. this will also make your wednesday more interesting. unless of course the person who picks you up is a serial killer, in which case it’s a good thing you lived it up this particular tuesday, as it is your last day on earth.

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