there’s been talk of late that fanny packs are “in.” to prepare everyone for this new “must have” accessory, i’ve made a list of things to put in your new trendy fanny pack:
1. your dignity
2. snacks (preferably not crumbly ones – what is worse than a crumb-filled fanny pack? the answer: nothing!)
3. booze, especially the little “hotel” sized bottles
4. small pets (for example: lizards, tiny rabbits, frogs, pet rocks even…)
5. dirt or something from nature to help keep you “grounded,” as it is otherwise rather difficult to seem level-headed while wearing a fanny pack
6. smokes, crack pipe, rolling papers… you get the idea…
7. scarves, barrettes, hats, gloves… because you never know when you’ll need to re-accessorize
8. condoms: who wouldn’t want to hook up with someone wearing a fanny pack??
9. money, though not too much. you are an easy target for muggers while wearing a fanny pack
10. the bible or a dirty book even: you’ll surely need something to do at the bar though because it’s highly unlikely anyone will want to strike up a conversation with you. never fear though! if you packed your fanny pack well you’re in for a great night anyway!