What to Put in Your Fanny Pack

there’s been talk of late that fanny packs are “in.” to prepare everyone for this new “must have” accessory, i’ve made a list of things to put in your new trendy fanny pack:

1. your dignity

2. snacks (preferably not crumbly ones – what is worse than a crumb-filled fanny pack? the answer: nothing!)

3. booze, especially the little “hotel” sized bottles

4. small pets (for example: lizards, tiny rabbits, frogs, pet rocks even…)

5. dirt or something from nature to help keep you “grounded,” as it is otherwise rather difficult to seem level-headed while wearing a fanny pack

6. smokes, crack pipe, rolling papers… you get the idea…

7. scarves, barrettes, hats, gloves… because you never know when you’ll need to re-accessorize

8. condoms: who wouldn’t want to hook up with someone wearing a fanny pack??

9. money, though not too much. you are an easy target for muggers while wearing a fanny pack

10. the bible or a dirty book even: you’ll surely need something to do at the bar though because it’s highly unlikely anyone will want to strike up a conversation with you. never fear though! if you packed your fanny pack well you’re in for a great night anyway!

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